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Episode 1½: The Phantom Chicken Flies the Coup
(sequel to the prequel)
The last we heard of Chicken, he was hurtling through space in a refrigerated escape pod. Chicken and his
crewmates didn't have the slightest clue as to where they were headed, or how long they'd be trapped on this
nipply ship.
Partly to maintain order on Nipplyship and partly to appease Chicken's undying passion for power, he
implemented a heirarchical system among his crewmates. Of course, he made himself Captain. Flea was the
First Officer, and Leek and Potato were toilet scrubbers. The fact that there were no toilets aboard Nipplyship
didn't bother Leek and Potato. They weren't very bright, and were content just to 'veg' out on the sofa and watch
soaps all day.
Chicken and Flea spent the days going through Flea's slides from his recent vacation. Chicken thought that was quite
boring, but since he had nothing better to do, he didn't say anything to Flea.
The Nipplyship must have been sucked through a worm-hole or something because only 3 days after escaping Voyager,
they were burning through Earth's atmosphere at dizzying speeds. Within moments, they crashed to the ground in a most
spectacular fashion. Everyone came away unscathed, except for the television set and the microwave. Both were shattered
beyond repair.
Chicken was the first to exit the Nipplyship. The first thing Chicken saw after exiting the pod were his own two feet
flying up through the air over his head. Gaaddamn! thought Chicken. -I gotta stop doin' that!
Picking himself up and giving his feathers a royal ruffle, Chicken looked around to find the cause of his most recent
tumble. Nothing unusual in sight, thought Chicken. Must have been just pure clumsiness.
"Tikken, ook owwwt!" yelled Potato, whose tongue was stuck fast to the inside of Nipplyship.
Tikken ooked owwwt and saw a huge donut rolling on its side down a hill, headed straight for Nipplyship. The donut
was glazed. Chocolate glazed. With candy sprinkles adorning its glistening crest.
Chicken stood drooling at the spectacle, completely casting aside any worries he had regarding Nipplyship and her
crew. This was too much for Chicken. Chicken remembered the first time he had encountered a chocolate glazed donut
covered in candy sprinkles, and just the thought of that encounter was enough to make Chicken's feathers stand on
end.
Donuts were mean, especially the chocolate glazed ones. There was absolutely no reasoning with them once they were
intent on doing something. And that 'something' that they were so intent on doing was usually someting very nasty. And
once they intently completed doing that very nasty something, ...well....they took a coffee break.
Chicken didn't like that idea very much. A donut strung out on caffeine wasn't a donut you wanted to encounter in a
dark alley. Especailly after they've just been intently completing a nasty something of a task. Chicken had to
think fast and avoid giving this particular donut any reason to think of something nasty to intently complete with him,
and the crew of Nipplyship.
Before Chicken could get all of these thoughts through is head, the donut had already flattened him to the ground and
just kept rolling until it was out of sight. Well! thought Chicken. Wasn't that just the most horribly anti-climactic
event that ever took place?
So, each crewmember of Nipplyship raised their pickles (Chicken had been in his share of pickles (and jams, but he'd
eaten those already) over the years, and had accumulated quite the collection. He felt it was only polite to share) and
headed bravely forward into the unknown dangers of this strange, but wondrous land.....
THE END.
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